The Druid Bard

[Re-post] Scarring

Fri, 20 May 2005 04:39:31 GMT

It's interesting.

In Irish mythology, Nuada is king of the Tuatha de Danann until he loses his hand, thus becoming imperfect, blemished, and unfit to be king. Lugh takes over at this point.

In Norse mythology, Tyr and Odin are both imperfect - Tyr is missing a hand, Odin an eye. Yet they both rule at different points throughout the history of the Aesir. They are also notably the only scarred deities in the pantheon (that I am aware of).

I wonder why the difference. The Irish attitude suggests, to me, that you have to be perfect to truly rule, which is in keeping with mythological attitudes I've come across. After all, we wouldn't want to give absolute power to a mere mortal, someone imperfect, because imperfection is magnified when power is added to it.

Tyr's sacrifice was a demonstration of his honorable attitude, his willingness to "take one for the team," to ensure that a dangerous beast would be caged. It is the essence of the martyr. Odin's sacrifice, on the other hand, was a personal choice, an exchange for drinking from the Well of Wisdom. It demonstrates Odin's willingness to sacrifice anything for the power he craved.

So...the Irish ask the impossible of their leaders (being that perfection is a paradox), whereas the Norse are willing to accept imperfection so long as their leaders are principled, or perhaps, so long as they know what it means to sacrifice something dear to them for the greater good, or in furtherance of their goals (the second is likely more accurate, since Tyr was still making his sacrifice in accordance with his goals - his goals just happened to coincide with those of the rest of the Aesir).

I wonder what the significance of this is.

[Re-post] The land

Fri, 20 May 2005 04:39:09 GMT

Land-wights. Nature spirits. The fey. Whatever they are.

What are they? How many are there? How prevalent are they? How should they be honored? Is it fair to assume that the land spirits can be honored in the way that suits your tradition of choice, or should you be the one to bend and honor them as they are accustomed to being honored? Are they different from region to region? Is an oak spirit in Ireland the same sort of thing you'd find in an oak spirit in the northeastern US? How about a maple spirit? Or a grass spirit?

In other words, let's assume (for the sake of argument) that I'm following a CR path. Is it appropriate to look upon the nature spirits as fey and interact with them accordingly, or should I instead look to the local Native American traditions for guidance?

[Re-post] On the spiritual aspects of hunting

Fri, 20 May 2005 04:38:50 GMT

I've been waffling about hunting for a couple of years now. I haven't been confused about whether or not I think it's okay, mind you; I've no problem with it as a concept or a practice. I just haven't been able to decide if it's something that I would do, personally.

I got to thinking about it, recently, however, and I came up with a perspective. It'll take a little space to explain, so I'm putting it behind

Presupposing:

1) All non-sentient life behaves according to its own innate "programming." This programming evolved, was placed there by the Creator, or a combination of the two.

2) Independent of any outside influences, this programming was designed to (or had the necessary effect of) maintaining a perfect worldwide equilibrium over the space of time. Nature is a closed system and, aside from extrasystemic incursions (giant meteors, the hand of man), managed to continue to cycle itself well.

3) Mankind, as a sentient species capable of overcoming its innate programming, has greatly affected this balance.

4) Mankind, which developed within the system, has a responsibility to maintain its perfection by not allowing our behavior to become too disruptive.

Now, it's been pretty well scientifically established that mankind has made a real mess of things, what with its overpopulation, rampant and irresponsible consumption of resources, pollution and so on. We've become remarkably adept at exploiting the system to keep ourselves going, pillaging the world and its future for the sake of sating our own appetites. One of the things that we've done in that vein is to do our very best to exterminate the populations of natural predators, the better to protect our precious domesticaged animals. Because it's such a burden if the wolves break into the veal pens before we can get to them.

Anyway, by killing off the predators, we've tipped the balance. The deer are breeding with abandon, as they are wont to do; they are wont to do so because it helps them maintain their numbers in the face of predation. Trouble is, with no predators, there are now too many deer.

It seems to me that, since we're a part of the system (no matter how much we might try to deny it), it's our responsibility to correct our mistakes. Since we've killed the predators, we have to take their place in the system.

Now, there are those who would say that it's cruel to hunt a deer, to shoot it down and eat its flesh. After all, a deer is a living creature, a beautiful part of nature. I've had that thought myself, but I have to consider the role of the deer also. Yes, a deer is beautiful, as are many things in nature. But a deer's role in the system isn't to look pretty. A deer's purpose, like all herbivores, is to take plant matter, undigestable to carni- and omnivores, and convert it into something that those creatures can eat (i.e. flesh). Perhaps it sounds flippant, but what I'm saying is, in effect, deer are there to be killed and eaten. That's their role in the system. Hunting and killing a deer is, in an odd way, doing it a favor, helping it fulfill its destiny.

There's also the fact that, left unchecked, the deer population will breed and breed and overpopulate and eventually eat up all the available food. It may not be very nice to put a slug in a deer from fifty paces, but that act is more humane than letting the deer starve or perish from weakness and disease.

Given all this, I feel that hunting is a spiritual duty. It's by no means all I can do to serve the Earth Mother, but it's one thing. I apparently have to take a hunting course, which Gander Mountain offers, so if I can get that out of the way, I might be able to get started this fall.

[Re-post] A baseline

Fri, 20 May 2005 04:38:30 GMT

If you're reading this, it's because you've decided to opt in to my spiritual quest filter. These posts will always have [Gnosis] in the subject line. I chose that word because of its reference to the essential esoteric spiritual truth that leads to salvation. I seek my own personal gnosis, so I think it fitting.

The first of these posts are going to center around what I think now. They are the control group, the baseline which will allow me to discern any changes to my ideas that result from this quest. I'll be making these posts when I have the time and inclination; I'll try to keep any off-topic content out of them.

Let us begin with history. I was raised Christian (specifically, United Methodist) but it never resonated. I never felt close to the God as He was presented. If ever He whispered to me, His voice was too soft for me to hear.

About the time of adolescence, I began to read fantasy books and play D&D, and I found the notion of the deities presented there to be far more attractive. I began worshipping them, admittedly in the same manner as I had worshipped God. I tried Lathander Morninglord, from the Forgotten Realms, and Takhisis and then Nuitari from the Dragonlance setting (I had a fascination with darkness, and it was that, rather than the evil, that appealed to me). Yeah, yeah, childish silliness. I was thirteen and working with what I had (which was just about nothing, growing up in a WASP suburb as I did). I had no internet, as this was back in the early nineties. I had few friends and no regular access to a good library.

When I got a bit older (like, fourteen), I "invented" (discovered?) a deity that I named Silvara. I imagined her as a beautiful woman with silver hair, clad in silver scale mail. She was a goddess of storms, of thunder and lightning. I offered her prayers, and to my surprise, the prayers that I made were, more often than not, answered, and they were answered in such a way that made me suspect that something more than coincidence was going on.

For example, when I was in tenth grade, our midterm for English was an essay on one of the books we had been reading. We had to write the essay in class, using specific examples and quotes from the book. We weren't allowed to use the book, but we were allowed to bring in whatever notes we wanted.

As is my custom, I procrastinated until the very last moment. I had arranged a ride into school, so that I could take the midterm. When I woke up, I prayed to Silvara to allow me enough time to finish taking adequate notes, so that I could get a good grade on my paper. I then set to the task at hand. My ride pulled up as I was finishing the last sentence on my notecards.

It wasn't as though I had been cut short, mind you: I had been planning to stop once I had finished with that card. I had precisely enough time to finish taking the notes, no more, no less. This precision of occurrence led me to believe that the divine did, indeed, have a hand in things.

On another occasion, to set the stage, it hadn't rained in Rochester for nearly a month. I was walking through a vacant lot, hearing the grass crunch beneath my feet. I looked up to the sky and, directing my prayer to Silvara, said, "A little rain would be nice." Four hours later, the rain began. It didn't let up for ten days.

Of course, at the time, I had no real concept of polytheism, so Silvara basically simply stood in for God. Despite her more narrow focus (storm goddess), I offered prayers to her on anything that I needed. She didn't grant every prayer, but I would say that she definitely granted some of them.

The Silvara Issue is perhaps the first bit of my spiritual crisis, but we'll come back to that. I worshipped Silvara almost exclusively throughout my teens, inventing a mythology for her and everything. At the same time, I told my mother I was an atheist (on Christmas Eve, no less - I didn't want to go to the midnight service at church). I did this to deflect any unwanted criticism, since my mother has a tendency to push spirituality to its flakiest extremes.

When I was in high school, I began to learn about witchcraft, and I first came across the word "Wicca." At this point, my Christian conditioning took over, so I shied away from that for quite some time. It was ok for me to be worshipping a goddess of my own creation, but the idea of taking up witchcraft still didn't sit right with me.

I met my first bona fide witch when I was seventeen. She was my first girlfriend. She was from Boston. She was goth. She had the capacity to convince people that she could work magic. She took her beliefs seriously, though, in retrospect, I never saw religion from her, only the practical aspects of magic. I never saw her demonstrate any kind of real power, so either she was subtle or she was the first of many pretenders I would meet. I really loved her, but I wasn't prepared, at that point, to cast aside everything I had been taught to believe in.

I was to give Christianity one more try, during my senior year. This time, it was for a girl. I was able to keep up the appearances for a while, but when things between she and I went south, I bailed on it for good. I met another Wiccan, who was on her way out of being devout. I didn't really learn anything from her, either...at least, I didn't learn anything spiritual from her.

College did nothing for me, spiritually. I was far too caught up in creating the worlds inside the machines (MUDding) to worry about my immortal soul. It's a problem that I still have to deal with, but at that time, there was simply no contest between the two. It wasn't until I left college that my spirituality finally got off the ground.

I began researching Druidry in the fall of 1997. Ever since then, I have identified myself as a Druid, at least somewhat. I've been a member of Keltria and ADF, I've read Celtic mythology, I've run a grove, I've had my power trip. I've been ordained, and I've stood in the presence of the Earth Mother. During that time, I've also done a lot of dabbling in other places. Unfortunately, lately, I don't know where I stand. I'd like to address a few points:

Celtic Reconstructionism: Doing things the old way holds a lot of appeal for me. I think traditions have power, but I'm also driven to explore new ideas and new ways of doing things. The idea of holding an ancient ritual in Old Irish is appealing in the extreme. Then again, so is the idea of holding a ritual in Elvish or Klingon.

Druidry: This is where my heart is drawn most strongly, but it's the idea of Druidry as exemplified by the D&D druids more than the historical. See, I love being outdoors. I love the feel of bare earth beneath my hands and feet. I love being in the woods. I love contemplating the perfection of the cycle of nature. I've stood in the presence of the Earth Mother, as I mentioned above. These things are what Druidry means to me. Druidry, per se, has little or nothing to do with the Gods at all, under the definition that exists in my head. Of course, the druids being the renaissance wo/men of ancient Celtia certainly falls in line with what I aspire to.

I guess I just can't draw the connection between the worship of any particular God, Goddess or pantheon with the practice of Druidry. If I were to call myself a Norse Druid, however, I'd be mocked for being fluffy. We can't have that.

Dammit, did I just admit that I care what other people think? I must be coming down with something.

Reformed Druidry: I guess these guys really have a system I can get behind. They feel that you should connect to the divine in whatever way works for you. They emphasize exploration and experimentation. Though it's not a tenet of theirs, I think they'd agree with the mythological assertion that religion is just the mask that spirituality wears. Strip away the masks and the underlying face is the same. But mixing and matching is bad! the Recons protest. Mixing and matching makes you unscholarly and fluffy!!11!one! Oh noes! Everything you do has to be backed up by scholarship, and mixing and matching is verboten despite the fact that we can't accurately say what the ancient Celts did and didn't do. I don't know what to make of that.

Asatru: I love this. It's direct, to the point, and makes no bones about it. I also feel an incredible amount of affinity for the runes. I think the thing that keeps me from embracing Asatru fully is my attachment to the title of Druid. I don't know if the Aesir and Vanir would take me seriously if I approached them, said "I'm a Druid and I want you to teach me." I suppose I should probably try. If they have an issue with it I have no doubt that they'll let me know.

Taoism: Much like the yin or the yang, the Western pagan tradition, and Western religions in general, appear to be only part of the whole. There are things that I know for certain, and one of those things is that ch'i is real. I can manipulate it enough that other people can feel what I'm trying to do. In fact, someone was just now able to demonstrate to me that I can manipulate it, since they could tell when I had turned it "on" and "off" with no cues from me. This is sufficient evidence to me that something is at work there, yet the concept of life energy, ch'i, prana, what have you, apparently does not exist in the western branches of IE religion. I belive in the tao, the Force, whatever you want to call it. This belief cannot be reconciled within Asatru or Druidry. Of course, I don't know much about taoism, so I need to study it more.

Shinto: Something else that I have to study more, but I'm entranced by Japanese stuff.

Christianity: By sheer evidence of numbers, I keep returning to the religion of my birth. Can it be that more than a billion people are so wrong? Is the machine of the Church really that efficient? My discussions with an avowed Christian last summer lead me to wonder if the differences in our belief structures are more due to the limitations of language and the failure of metaphor to understand something that is, at its heart, unknowable.

I will never subscribe to a literal interpretation of the Bible, if for no other reason than no perfect translation can exist, and even if it did, it would be a perfect translation of something penned by man, an imperfect vessel at best. But as a metaphor, I have to wonder if the Bible is something I should pay attention to, and if it is, then what am I doing, risking an eternity in Hell?

I find it interesting that the path to salvation in Christianity is through Christ, who is, himself, the same as God, whereas the path to enlightenment (salvation) in Taoism is through allowing oneself to be guided by the will of the tao. Looky looky! Parallel metaphor. Peel away the metaphor, and what is the underlying truth?

Thus concludes the baseline, at least, until I think of more to say.

Welcome

Fri, 20 May 2005 04:37:32 GMT

Hi.

If you're here, it's probably because I've told you about this journal. If you just happened to stumble upon it randomly, that's equally good.

What you'll see here will be a bunch of posts regarding my spirituality, my faith, my religious beliefs, however you want to describe it. I'm trying to rediscover those beliefs and test them against my experiences. I'm trying to figure out just what it is I believe.

Most of these entries won't contain much in the way of information that could be used to identify me, so the entries will probably be public, for the most part. If you want to friend me, go right ahead. Please feel free to comment as you see fit. I'm not seeking approval, but if you have insight you'd like to offer, then by all means.

A few of the early posts were posted in my other journal. Everything after those will be new, and only posted here.